Balls Of Fury (Current Release)

Posted by Movie_Maven

September 19, 2007 |

Official Balls of Fury Site
Trailer
Action/Comedy/Sport
Starring:Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, Maggie Q, Robert Patrick, Jason Scott Lee
Rated PG-13 (for language, sexual humor, mild violence)
Running Time: 90 Minutes
Released:August 29th, 2007

If you see/saw this dim-bulb of a movie, you HAVE to know why you’re going/went:

You either have played ping pong enough with someone to the point where it has affected your life, or;
You follow the illustrious career of one Christopher Walken.

In One, (1), my friend received a ping pong table for his birthday from his wife a few years ago. Not having a basement doomed us to hundreds of hours downstairs in mine- with both of us discovering realms of my own anger-laced, competitive fury. I have splintered paddles, pancaked balls and chunks of wall missing to attest.

In Two, (2), how can the image of Walken (as Feng), bedecked in ornate and royal Chinese garb on a throne with a shiny black bun for hair NOT be at least minimally enticing?

Well, I’ll tell you. Breaking a knuckle while playing the game is better than the movie. And even Walken seems tired and hassled and a bit worn in his characteristic, thick-cheeked, mob-ish delivery.

Who knew that pong sports fashions a sinister and criminal underbelly? I didn’t until BOF, which chronicles a downfallen table tennis phenom, Randy Daytona (Fogler), tapped by the FBI to infiltrate the criminal syndicate run by Walken (and willingly possessed by the pseudo-spirit of Jack Black). He is nurtured back to glory by a Chinese restaurant owner whose daughter (Maggie Q) kung-fu’s her way into the movie as the no-nonsense waif who becomes the too blatant object of Daytona’s affections.

After entering a tournament, Daytona gets in an invite to Walken’s underground pong tournament. Of course, there are the distractions leading up to what everyone knows will be the showdown with the Boss Walken and the debacle completely underwhelms.

George Lopez, as the FBI agent on Daytona, had absolutely NOTHING to work with and flops with the impact of a dead fly on a floor from a window sill in a forgetful breeze, which is what BOF is.

In a few superficially mildly funny moments, Walken’s compound is rife with male sex slaves who are subsequently freed later (with one of whom Daytona has to spend the night…they play board games all night). Not too surprising that Feng- looking like a cross-dressing, Chinese pimp on acid- would have a concubine of men? What? Are you kidding me? That’s funny? Sure, it was a comedic attempt (and certainly not the most raucous one in cinematic history), but I couldn’t find it finally funny in light of the fact that there really are sex slaves in this world. Yeah, I thought that while watching the movie…. which should be indication of the ease with which my mind begged for release.

I’m going to go stomp all my ping pong balls and sniff the insides of them now, thank you.