Mar

15

Thank goodness for Insomnia (I think…)

Posted by Movie_Maven

March 15, 2008 |

 **NOTE:  This posting contains what could be construed as R-rated material.

So, it’s Friday night, my husband is at work and I’m channel surfing looking for something other than Jerry Springer or stale game show reruns to lull me to sleep.  It is midnight, and lo and behold, I stumble across a “gem” from 1983 on The Movie Channel (which, along with Showtime, IFC, and Sundance, we are privileged to be receiving because our DirecTv satellite had a momentary meltdown and I was aggravated enough to rant and amass free stuff) entitled “Chained Heat.”  Starring none other than the Exorcist’s own Linda Blair, the story focuses upon all the bad things that happen in a women’s jail…things that polite people don’t mention in mixed company.

I have to say, I worked in detentions for several years, and never witnessed anything remotely represented in this film.  Nor was I aware that detention/correctional facilities existed which had a cup size minimum for incarceration inclusion.

Apparently it is supposed to be a drama; however, I was laughing hysterically…so much in fact that I stayed awake until the final credits rolled 1 hour and 35 minutes later.

What I would like to know is where on Earth are inmates allowed to wear their own (often revealing) clothing, jewelry, and have access to cosmetics and enough Aqua Net hairspray to deplete the ozone layer a thousand times over?  Furthermore, male guards in women’s facilities do not get “alone time” with female inmates, and never have I seen such a grouping of well-endowed, oversexed “women” with latent homosexual tendencies who have easy access to an assortment of weapon-making items that would make MacGyver proud.

Anyway, the acting was atrocious; however, the nudity factor was sufficient to jump start any teenage boy’s imminent libido, and, ultimately this film provided substantial comic relief - far beyond anything that good ole Jerry Springer could muster (even in spite of the high school “big hair” flashbacks I kept experiencing.)

Oh, and the “powers that be” have now released “Chained Heat” on DVD for all B-exploitation-film fans to cherish.


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