Oh Say Can You See-”SAW”??!

Posted by Movie_Maven

July 10, 2008 |

Again, here is Movie_Maven_Jr. to give a comical and (somewhat) literary review of the first four “Saw” films; in order of appearance. Needless to say, we are both psyched (or psychotic??) for “Saw V” and “Saw VI.”

“Saw” rocks. The end. Only joking. Kay.

“Saw” - The first “Saw” movie (originally intended for a straight-to-DVD release) is my least favourite (but still one of my overall favourite movie-movies), because there are less traps, and the traps you do see, you don’t get to watch people die. In the Barbed Wire trap, you only get to see the guy struggling, but you do get to watch Amanda struggle with the Reverse Bear-trap (My favourite trap in the franchise.) I also find it amusing to no end that we get to watch *SPOILER* Westly (Cary Elwes) of the “Princess Bride” hack off his foot.

“Saw II” - This is my favourite in the “Saw” franchise, but I don’t know why. It might be on account of the group thing which allows me to watch more stupid people get caught in violent, somewhat-bloody traps. Or because of Daniel Matthews. (Hello, 13 year-old teen here.) I liked Daniel and Amanda the most. Laura reminded me too much of my sometimes crybaby little sister (watch this comment get deleted by the evil Movie_Maven) and her only purpose seemed to be to hold up walls and be the token blonde moronic character; so *SPOILER* I was happy when she died, but a little bummed that you didn’t get to see her die in a painful and violent manner. Xavier reminded me a little of my mom because he’s psycho, and my mom is too. (Only kidding. Maybe…) Addison was an incredible retard (-pokes the HUGE padlock on the Hand-Trap). Obi was fun to watch *SPOILER* get cooked in the oven.

“Saw III” - This is the goriest of the “Saw” films, so you would think it would be my favourite. But it’s not. And I want bacon during this film (you know, cuz of all the pig references. That’s where bacon comes from, little kids!) It was pretty good, especially with the limb twisting Rack, the rib-ripping Butterfly, and the Clasroom Trap. And *SPOILER* seeing the big gaping hole where Lynn’s face used to be. Jeff is an idiot and Amanda is still my favourite character (besides Daniel) even if she is a pyscho. Like yours truly. And Movie_Maven.

“Saw IV” - “Saw IV” is the fourth movie in the franchise (for those of you who can’t read Roman Numerals. Or count.) It makes me a little sad without awesome Amanda and still no re-apperance of Daniel. Much of the movie is done through flashbacks like ”Saw I”. I am looking forward to seeing the glass-filled box we see briefly in Jigsaw’s workshop be used. My favourite part in this movie would most definitely be when *SPOILER* Detective Eric Matthews gets his hobo-looking-head smashed between enough ice to make 199 pints of ice cream (on the wall.)

Great job honey!! Yes, I will pay you the $1 I make on this entry.